Life After Pregnancy

Life After Pregnancy...Again

2010-03-16T08:45:00.000-07:00

Well today my little girl is a month old. Can you believe it has already been that long? I know every new mom says that, but I sincerely cannot believe she has already been in my life that long...and yet I can't remember what it was like to NOT have her here!

With that said, I have a long road back to being fit. I am really out of shape (which was clearly shown when I attempted my 30 day shred video yesterday) and my body is pretty saggy and frumpy. I haven't weighed myself in some time, but here are the figures:

Pre-pregnancy: 152 (woo-hoo, I had lost 22 lbs!)

Pre-delivery: 196 (holy crap!)

Weigh in 3/2/2010 (2 weeks post partum, 2 weeks ago): 171 (yes that means I had already lost 25 lbs of the 44 I had gained)

Goal: 140

Before getting pregnant my size 10 jeans were too big and I was buying size 8 jeans (before Gracelynn I was wearing a size 8 easily, sometimes a size 6). I can now get into most of my size 10 jeans and while they are a little snug, they fit (button, zipper, the who she-bang). Obviously I still have a lot of extra skin and flub around the tummy region that will hopefully continue to go down.

I started the 30 day shred yesterday and intend to do that daily while I am still home with Shelby (4 more weeks). I am also trying to find time to make it to the gym. It is hard as I am the only source of food for Shelby at this time, but hope to get back into a routine in the next few weeks so it is on it's way to becoming a habit by the time I go back to work. I also have not been officially released to work out by my doctor so I am taking it easy when I do work out. I go on Friday the 19th for my checkup and hope to be released at that time.

I have also started wearing Shelby a lot as I do household tasks. This can't hurt the weight loss process and it keeps her close :)

Diet: Haven't really started cutting anything out as I am nursing. I drink LOTS of water, watch my portions at meals, and try to stick with healthy snacks in between (Yay for warmer weather and good fruit!). I know the diet portion will be easier once I am back to work...sitting around the house makes it easy to snack!!!

Ok ladies, here I go again. I will keep you posted.

Also, just so you know I have started a new personal blog. This is to replace the family blog we had previously (www.yrocks-squared.blogspot.com). You can now follow me at www.imperfectmadenew.blogspot.com. Thanks!

Banishing No More

2009-07-21T09:05:00.000-07:00

Well, I am sure some may have heard, but then again you never know. So I guess I should first announce that I will no longer be banishing baby weight, as I will now be putting it back on. Ben and I are pregnant again and due in February. I am just at the end of my first trimester, so we haven't made any formal announcements, but last week we went to the doctor, saw the little one and everything looks good so far.

So I am redirecting my focus. I can't be focused on the losing weight portion of this journey, but I am still focused on the healthy lifestyle. My hope it to continue working out throughout my pregnancy and to maintain a healthy diet. It hasn't been easy so far. As with Gracelynn, I have been pretty sick. And I am talking all day. Beyond that my exhaustion has been ridiculous. I have no idea how I did this when I was working full time AND in school with Gracelynn. But for the Grace of God...

Eating has been a challenge as well. I can't consume much meat at all right now. It makes my stomach flip flop just thinking about it and you don't want to know what happens when I actually eat it. So I have been eating a lot of carbs...eating I use loosely because most of it doesn't stay down. Despite these facts at my first appointment I had already gained!!! I was kind of disappointed by that fact.

With G I gained about 37 lbs and with this one I would love to only gain 30. I started about 10 lbs under where I started with G, and if I can keep up the exercise I hope to lose it a lot faster.

Well, I'll keep you updated on this new journey. All of the sickness, weight gain and exhaustion aside, we are VERY excited and can't wait to welcome our newest family member :)

Ugh!

2009-05-14T06:27:00.000-07:00

It's been a bad week for working out and dieting. We started a big home improvement project on Saturday...or deck. We completely removed our old 8x8 deck, tore it apart, cut and bundled the wood, placed new footings for our new deck, framed it all and had it up on it's legs...and that was just on Saturday alone. Since then, Ben has been working diligently in the evenings to attempt to get it done. Between that, regular household chores, work and then G, something had to give. Unfortunatley, it was going to the gym. While Ben is outside working on the deck, G can't be out there, so I spend all of the daylight hours every evening chasing her around until bed time. Then I crash.

It's not meant as an excuse and I know I will be back into it soon as I am already feeling icky. I don't think I've gained, but the lack of physical exercise and activity has left me feeling somewhat lethargic. It does beg the question..."Why didn't I get into this habit sooner?" Obviously, my body and mind feel so much better when I'm active. So my goal is to go back to the gym on Saturday morning. The deck is almost competlely done (save for the staining and railings...but that will come later). And life can return to normal...whatever that is.

Later, ladies!

Size Small, How Do I Love Thee...But Why???

2009-05-02T12:33:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: I understand that the initial purpose of these weight loss/accountability blogs was just that, to track the progress (and sometimes lack thereof) of our weight loss and to hold one another accountable. So I understand if some of you do not appreciate me waxing philosophical every once in a while. However, I am discovering as I change my outside it is bringing a lot about myself to light, and I am doing just as much, if not more, changing on the inside. So...there :) If you don't care to hear my ramblings, my "weekly results" are at the bottom of this post.

I am not naturally a small girl. I was wearing a C-cup in the 8th grade and was born with hips, thighs and booty (thanks genetics!). I have to WORK IT, to see progress and then WORK IT to maintain what I accomplish. It can get tiring, and at times there is this little voice in my head that says "Maybe God meant for you to be a size 12+/large". Ok...I don't REALLY think God intended for anyone to be a particular size, and I KNOW God didn't intend for me to eat a whole bag of chips and drink a whole 2 liter of soda in a one hour sitting. Actually quite the opposite, God wants me to honor my body as a holy temple and to treat the temptation of overeating just as I would the temptation of other sins. In 1 Corinthians it states:
"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body,"

YAY! So my weight loss and desire/goal to wear smaller clothes and look good in them is sanctioned by God...right?

Wrong.

God created us for him...to be a vessel of worship in everything we say, do...and put in our bodies. My entire purpose of being is to worship him, solely. Not to wear a size small, fit into a size 6 jean or to look good doing it. Do I want these things? I can't lie, yes, I do. I long to pick up the smaller size when looking for a new top. Or to put on my jeans and my rear look great. I am after all working VERY hard to attain these things. Then God calls me back to his Word and reminds me of a very familiar verse:

Proverbs 31:30

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain. But the woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised

So, how do I balance those two things? I want to honor God by keeping my body, His holy temple, clean and pure, and not fall prey to the temptation of laziness and gluttony. However, I don't want to cross over and dishonor Him by assuming any of my recent success has been my doing or to misplace my goal on what little letter or number is on the tag in my clothes. How???

Sorry ladies, I don't have an answer. That is, except to pray continuously. To continue to seek His will. And finally to attempt to worship Him in ALL I do, say...and yes, even eat :)

So, with that I pray:

God, help me to remember the reason I started this journey. First, to honor you. And second, to be a better mommy and wife to my family. Help me keep that in my sights when I become distracted by numbers on the scale, letters on my clothing tags and the number of calories I put in my face. I want to always strive to honor you with my whole being...and to worship you in everything I do.
Also, Lord, help me to remember that without your grace and without the strength you give me, I would not be able to accomplish any of this. I wouldn't have lost a single pound, if it weren't for you giving me the drive, will power and strength to take the first step. Well, if we break it down even more, I couldn't do this if you hadn't simply breathed life into me. For that, I praise you for making this and so many other things in my life possible.
Please give me the strength to continue on this journey, and help me to remember that without you...I'd be nothing.

In your amazing name,
Amen

So, how did I do this week???

Workouts have been great, and I feel so much stronger this week for some reason. I also feel that I look stronger, especially in my arms and upper body. I do have to go to the doctor to get my wrist checked out. I have what looks like a bone spur (self diagnosis). It is on the end of my arm where it means my hand and makes it very difficult to do any type of weight lifting and impossible to do my push-ups. I have found modified ways of working out my upper body, but I need to get to the doctor to get it checked out. It reminds me I am getting older :)

I haven't lost much, but I know full well these last 10 pounds or so will be the hardest to get off.

Weight 5/1/2009: 155
Total weight loss: 22 lbs
(Original weight goal: 147, Modified weight loss goal: 140 lbs)

So I'm getting there. I would love to hit my original goal by August of this year. I don't know if my modified goal is really realistic considering eventually we will want to have another kid. That may come first...who knows.

Hope you guys have a great weekend!

I Have an Athletic Supporter

2009-04-20T18:35:00.000-07:00

hehehehehehehehehe

I couldn't resist.

Seriously, though, I do! Ben is the absolute, most amazing motivator on the face of the planet. I just have to say thank you to him. He encourages me when I am working out at home, he tells me how great I look, he PUSHES me to go buy clothes that will make me feel good and for the first time the other day he said I looked HOT. I have gotten beautiful, pretty, gorgeous, wonderful, etc...but there is something about your hubby telling you that you are HOT.

Then the other day, he took his athletic support (tee hee) to another level. Friday night we were going out for dinner and a movie and we had some time between the two events. He suggested we go kill some time at...drum roll please...Best Buy. *sigh* Every girls dream, right? But we start walking through and I realize he is walking with purpose, not just meandering through the televisions and video games like he typically does. We finally end in the MP3/IPod section. He takes me directly to the IPod Nano and tells me that he is so proud of what I have accomplished so far and that he wants me to have an IPod to listen to while I am working out...both to remind me of what I have already done and to encourage me to keep going. He also said that he knew I had wanted one for a long time, but because of the cost knew it was never something I would just get for myself. So, I got to pick out my favorite color (green) and that night when we got home he put the songs already on my computer onto the IPod. I have already used it a ton and LOVE it! Next I need to get an IPod arm thingy so I can hang with the cool kids at the gym. :)

On to weight loss for the week. After Easter weekend I actually wasn't as far off as I thought I would be. I hadn't gained...so YAY! for maintaining!

Weight 4/18/2009: 155.5
Total weight loss: 21.5 lbs!!!

I did go shopping this weekend too. I absolutely had to get new pants more than anything. Sunday morning I got up for church and couldn't find pants that didn't look like they were about to fall off my bum...or worse DID fall off my bum. To make matters worse I was singing at our new church for the first time EVER, and didn't want to look like a complete slob. So Sunday afternoon I went to the mall and got two new pairs of dress pants, a pair of capris, and pair of jeans...and a new top (in a Small!). When I returned home I cleaned out my closet and donated my clothing...no going back now! Some of the pants were 10's and a couple were 8's. I would say I am somewhere in between those two sizes right now, but honestly I don't care about the number right now. It is exciting to be able to drop a size, but those sizes can be so subjective (like I said, same shopping trip, three stores, two different sizes) that I am more concerned about how I feel and how I look than with the number.

Ah, I almost forgot. Teniah asked about training for the 5K. It is going well. Just tonight I did 3.25 miles in about 33 minutes! And now that it is nice consistently I am running some outside. My knees are a little cranky with me, so when I hit the asphalt I have to take it a little easier than on the treadmill or elliptical, but either way it just feels good to be able to go 3 miles at all...without dying that is :)

Ok, ladies, I still have my crunches, push ups and a little television before I can call it a night. Adios!

Thank You

2009-04-12T18:34:00.000-07:00

It is an epidemic. Without fail we (and I am speaking generally) are never satisfied. We may always want that bigger house, that faster car or that higher paying job. Or as with me, always wanting to change something about their body. I will be the first to say that I often don't take time to celebrate the small milestones and even when I meet a goal, I just set another goal for myself. At times this is what keeps me driven, and then at other times it is so discouraging. I stopped myself the other day as I was looking in the mirror wishing my stomach was flatter, my arms were leaner and my thighs were...well just smaller :) I thought to myself 'I have lost 20 lbs, and all of these body parts are small - as evidenced by my clothes.' And yet, I find no satisfaction in that. Why? When will I be satisfied? How much do I need to lose? What size do I have to be in? And then this came to me:

Thank You

Thank you Lord for my arms
Not for the way they look in a sleeveless shirt or the weight of the dumbbell they can lift
But rather for the ability to wrap my arms around those that I love the most

Thank you Lord for my breast
Not for the way they fill out a shirt or how they have changed with age
But rather for the amazing purpose you gave me to provide nutrients to my newborn baby

Thank you Lord for my stomach
Not for the ripple of my abdominals or for the number of crunches I can complete
But rather for the ordinary miracle you allowed me to be a part of in the birth of my daughter

Thank you Lord for my hips
Not for the curve that gives me a womanly shape or for the number of inches I can lose
But rather for the perfect place to prop my baby while completing a dozen other tasks

Thank you Lord for my thighs
Not for the circumference around each or the number of miles I can run
But rather for the strength to get up every morning and do Your work

Bottom line - being healthy and in shape is important and I believe it is a personal goal that God is helping me reach. However, He is helping me reach this goal not for the number on the scale or for the size of jeans I can squeeze in to, but rather to provide a wonderful home to my family and to do the work He has called me to do.

This week has been a weird week weightloss-wise. I got in a total of 7 workouts this week (4 days with the video and 3 days at the gym), but then being out of town for Easter weekend I ate foods I would normally not eat...and a lot more of it than I would normally eat. To say the least, I feel as if any progress I would have made was wasted on the fabulous gourmet potatoes, ham, green bean casserole, pancakes, hamburgers, muffins, and apple pie I had while at my in-laws this weekend. It was great...but I am a little afraid of the scale right now. Since we were out of town, I didn't get to do my normal weigh in on Saturday. We'll see what happens this week.

Later ladies!

Reference

2009-04-03T14:01:00.000-07:00

Man..I am on a blogging roll. I just had this picture sent to me through our office email. This is a picture of our team taken on 1/9/2009. I started my diet/workouts on 1/5/2009, so this was shortly after that. This is the closest to a "before" picture that I'll get. So what do you think? Can you tell?

Results

2009-04-03T13:00:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I have to say I've already seen some results from the slight changes I've made to my diet and workout routine! I went this afternoon to the gym and weighed in and have dropped almost 2 lbs this week! SOOOO that means I have hit the 20 lb mark of my weight loss journey.

Weigh in 4/3/2009: 157

Total weight loss: 20 lbs!

Anyone looking for an insane, intense workout???

Check out Jillian Michael's 30 day shred. WOW! That is an insane workout. Jillian is from The Biggest Loser and she works you in the video like you are on the show. The video consists of three levels, of which I have only even attempted the first level AND doing the modifications on a lot of the exercises! I was sore for days after I did it the first time. It consists of 3 circuits. Within the circuit it is broken down like this:

3 minutes of strength training

2 minutes of cardio

1 minute of abs

But it doesn't stop there! The strength training couples large muscles groups with small muscle groups. SOOO while you do shoulder presses you are also doing squats. While your doing bicep curls you are also doing side lunges...and so on and so forth. I have NO DOUBT that this is going to make a difference in my body.

So I am back to doing a workout routine 6 days a week. 4 days in the gym, 3 days with the video (one of these days overlaps) and I take Friday's off. Whew, I am excited again!

Diet is going well. I've cut back on carbs. I just can't let them go completely, but they have been greatly reduced. I have also picked up the protien level as well. This is hard because a lot of meats are higher in fat and calories. I am just trying to pick lean meats and remember that those calories will carry me farther than empty calories I might consume during the day.

So, I know you all wanted to see the dress from our Phantom date. The date was awesome and we had such a great time. Seeing this picture also helps me see how far I've come...but at the same time how far I still want to go.

Look at that...I almost have a waist!!! It was hard to get a good picture of it, especially when my husband is the photographer. He kept wanting to get down and take a picture with an UPWARD angle! I don't need any help with making double chins, thank you!

Close up...waiting on BEN to get done getting ready.

Ok...more later, ladies.

Slow Down

2009-03-31T11:44:00.000-07:00

No, the title of my blog is not indicative of what I've been doing. It is, however, indicative of what my weight loss has been doing. In the past two weeks, I've only lost 1 lb. I know any weight loss is good weight loss for me, but I have been working REALLY hard! So seeing those number creep down can lead to disappointment when you step on the scales. I've done a couple of things to help this.

One: My first instinct is to yet again cut how many calories I am taking in...but we all know of my obsession with calorie counting and as I am already trying to keep it at 1200-1250 right now, I don't think I could safely take it down much. My next thought was to increase the number of calories I am burning each day. This works to a certain extent, but I was already putting in a lot of time doing cardio in the gym and didn't feel I could add much more time to that. So I have changed up my routine a little in an effort to keep my body guessing. I realized I had fallen in to a bit of a rut workout-wise and needed something wake my body up. I got a jump rope to use at home (thanks for the suggestion Emily!) got a great work out video to up my strength training and have been changing it up on the machines in the gym. The last week or so I have been doing some crosstraining on the elliptical machine. This gives you a variety of inclines, resistances and even varies between pedaling forward and backward. I even started doing parts of it on my toes to work my calves and thigh muscles even more.

I do have to say that I may not be losing weight, but my clothes are fitting much, much looser. I finally broke down and got a couple more pairs of pants as now some of my pants (especially anything lower rise) are falling down...literally. It got embarrasing to have to continually pull my pants up over my bum, so those pants were officially retired. I also got some new tops. I CANNOT wear a large anymore...they swallow me up. Mediums are perfect. This is particularly exciting because I HAD to wear larges after G was born to be long enough to cover my belly. Mediums cut me wrong across the pooch. So being able to wear a medium and wear it well indicates to me that my pooch is deflating :)

I also found my dress. I will get a picture up soon. I went to several stores but everything was either super casual or super dressy (think pool-side dress vs. prom dress). I finally made a stop at Kohl's and grabbed a few dresses to try on. One in particular I liked on the hanger but once I got it on it just looked all wrong. I couldn't pin my finger on what it was, but it just didn't look good on my body. As I was walking out with my head hung, I thought "You know...that was a large...I wonder..." I grabbed a medium (which as an aside...who in the WORLD makes dresses in small, medium and large? Like there aren't in between sizes???) and headed back to the dressing room, fully expecting the results to be worse than before. What do you know....they weren't. Actually, I LIKED what I saw!!! I left the dressing room and immediately bought the dress!

Two (back to my weight loss plan): I am changing up what kinds of foods I eat. I am taking in more protein and cutting back on starches and carbs. I found a program that encourages you to do this for a week or two to wake your body up. I am still keeping my calories down, just distributing them differently. I can still have my fruit, veggies and even dairy. And of course the occasional carb/starch, but for the most part I am trying to take in more protein. Awesome breakfast idea: 2 tbs of peanut butter spread across apple slices. About 250 calories and super yummy. I wasn't hungry until lunch time! This gives you your protein, fiber and fat to help you feel full and have energy to burn!

So we'll see if any of these things help kick my weight loss back into gear. I cannot wait for it to get a smidge warmer (no more snow storms please!) so I can be outside more. G is anxious to get out and so am I. I am much more active in the spring/summer.

Stay tuned...soon I'll be swimming suit shopping. THAT will be a HILARIOUS post you won't want to miss!

Later, gators!

Mother's Day 5K

2009-03-15T13:41:00.000-07:00

So due to the inspiration of my friend Emily (smallermeemily.blogspot.com) I am going to run my first 5K on Mother's Day this year. I am both excited and nervous. It is for runners/walkers of all ages, the only stipulation is that you must be female. There will also obviously be many different ability levels from walkers w/ strollers to experienced runners. Despite that I still have some anxiety about running in front of other people (other than those I run next to in the gym).

For the last week I have been "training". Essentially this consists of working up to running the three miles with minimal resting/walking. At this point in time I can run nearly a mile without stopping and my mile is between 13 and 14 minutes. I know that may not sound like much to a runner, but for me this is a big deal! I can speed walk with the best of them, but your body is so much more engaged when you are running. I can REALLY feel it when I get home from the gym.

So, we'll see how it goes. More than anything, I want to be able to say I did it. At that point I'll have been on this diet/exercise routine for 4 months, and I think that running a 5K will be a big milestone to hit.

I have begun to experience aches and pains in places I hadn't before. I have always struggled with a bum knee and my hips have been hurting. I know some of it is just my body getting used to the impact of running vs. speed walking. I did get new shoes. I was due and needed something that would provide more support. If necessary, I'll get a brace for my knee as well.

So there you have it, my NEW goal! It's kind of exciting to have a personal goal that doesn't involved a scale and numbers!

Speaking of numbers...

Weigh in 3/14/2009: 160.5
Total weight loss: 16.5

I am about 1 pound from losing 10% of my body weight! I have started trying on dresses for our date to see Phantom. I am typically a "pants and skirts" type of girl, but I am really liking what I see in the mirror so far. And guess what....the dress size I've been trying on and FITTING in to is.....drum roll please....

AN EIGHT!!!

I was in an 8 before getting pregnant with G...and a 6 about 3 months before that. I feel like I am slowly getting pieces of me back, a little at a time.

Ok, ladies. I'll keep you posted. I am still hoping to hit 158 before April 2nd when we go to Phantom. Love, love, love!

Approaching Thirty

2009-03-08T19:00:00.000-07:00

I had a conversation this weekend with a good friend who turned 30 today. This friend approached today with a little anxiety. I am a couple years away from hitting the big 3-0, but it got me to thinking. What's so scary about a number? What changes from the 365th day of your 29th year and the first day of your 30th year?

The more I thought about it, I realized I am actually the opposite. Getting older doesn't scare me. Yes, I know this means changes in my body, changes in my hair color, changes in my abilities. Despite all of these things, I approach my future with excitement and anticipation. Our 30's do not mean the same things they once did. Women in their 30's are having children, starting and thriving in their careers, and doing more than they ever have before. I have to be honest and say that I like myself more and more the older I get. I feel more comfortable in my own skin, more confident about where I am going in life and more prepared for trying new things.

I hope every woman out there can look to their future, not looking back and wishing for earlier years, but looking forward with great excitement to what their future may hold. With that said, happy birthday, Christie...who doesn't look a day over 24 :) I know the next 10 years will be awesome for you!

Ok, here are this week's stats:

Weigh in 3/7/2009: 162
Total weight loss: 15 lbs

I can't believe how excited I am to almost be back in the 150's! I haven't seen the 150's since about the summer of 2006. When I hit 154, I will officially be back into a health Body Mass Index as well. Another 15 lbs and I will have reached my goal weight! Here is to HALF WAY THERE!

I am hoping to be at 158 before our April 2nd date to see Phantom. I know that is 4 more pounds in 24 days and that may be pretty difficult, but I'm up for the challenge.

Later, ladies!

Second Verse...Same as the First

2009-03-03T11:14:00.001-08:00

Anyone feel like when you are on a diet you have little variety in your life? I do have to say I am not nearly as discouraged as I was a couple of weeks ago. But, sometimes I just get sick of the same old packaged meals for lunch and boring water. I have come up with some alternatives.

My newest fav...Diet Limeade from Sonic w/ extra lime juice. Caffiene free, minimal calories (approx 10-20 - just from the limes) and lots of tangy, carbonated good-ness. I was finding myself dreaming of Coke again, so I thought I'd try another carbonated beverage and see if that "cured" me. It worked. And it will be a great summer drink!

So...I bet you're wondering how I faired through my days down in the dumps. I did gain. It was unfortunate. I think I went back up about a pound and a half. (165.5 lbs). But after a week back on track I weighed in this past Saturday.

2/28/2009 weigh in: 164!!! Woo hoo. It only took a week of recovery!

Total weight loss: 13 lbs

New goal: lose 6 lbs by April 2nd.

Ben has gotten us tickets to see Phantom of the Opera at the Music Hall here in Kansas City (my Valentine's Day gift) and I would LOVE to buy a new dress for the occasion. So my goal is to lose a little more and then find an awesome dress to flatter my "getting there" figure.

Here is a picture from this past weekend with my cousin, Brandi. She was cheering in a regional competition here in KC and we went to see her perform/compete. Her team got 1st and is going to Nationals! But you can see from this pic that the diet and exercise is starting to make a little difference!

Very Quickly

2009-02-18T07:22:00.000-08:00

Hey ladies-

I just have time for a quick update.

Weigh in:

2/14/2009: 164
Total Weight loss: 13 lbs

I do have to say, as exciting as that is, I have been pretty discouraged this past week. I want to eat EVERYTHING that isn't good for me, I have been craving soda like none-other, and I haven't wanted to work out. I'm not sick, so I have no idea what the problem is. I HAVE maintained my workouts and I have tried to occasionally indulge without going overboard with my eating. But all in all, this is one of those weeks when I think to myself "Is all of this really worth it??? I know the answer is yes, but I really miss the joy and enthusiasim I had a week ago.

*sigh*

Ok, back to life. I have a BUSY week.

Sincerely,
Discouraged Dieter

Woo Hoo

2009-02-08T15:42:00.000-08:00

Hey ladies! Just had to stop in really quick and give an update. I weighed yesterday, 2/7/2009 and I have good news:

Total weight loss - 11 lbs!!!

This marks two things.

1. I am officially UNDER my pre-pregnancy weight (well my weight at 6 weeks pregnant). My body is no where near what it was then or where I want it to be, but I am still excited about this!

2. I finally feel a little better about sharing my actual weight. This is difficult for me, but I feel like that is part of the acountability.

My start weight: 177 (1/5/2009)
Weight as of 2/7/2009: 166

Ugh, just writing those numbers makes me cringe. My heaviest ever before this was 172, so this is by far the worst I've seen. I weight after getting married was 147. I am very comfortable with right around 150 for my body type...and this puts me in the healthy BMI range.

So as you can see, I have a ways to go. I would like to lose at least 16 more pounds, and wouldn't mind another 20. I am by no means going to rest when I hit the 150 goal!

This next part is pretty long and boring, but Teniah asked for details. Read at your own risk. Remember this is what I've found to work for me. Just my opinions...

I had a few questions about my diet and exercise. I am not doing a specific diet (i.e. South Beach). I have tried those in the past and beat myself up when I diverge from them. I have friends that are doing Weight Watchers, and while I've used some of their prepackaged foods (frozen lunches, 1 point ice cream bars, etc), I am not following that either. Before I started my diet/exercise routine, I did some research. I found that 3500 calories = 1 lb of weight. I was also able to calculate, based on my weight how many calories I would need to take in each day to MAINTAIN my current weight. The number was somewhere around 2050 calories each day. So, I am attempting to maintain my caloric intake at 1500 per day. This means I am immediately cutting out 3850 calories from my weekly diet. I keep track of my calories as the days go by. This is hard sometimes, especially if you eat out or eat at friends house (I find it puts them off if I ask them how many calories are in the meal they just prepared for me), so it doesn't always work. But that is what I generally do. As far as the types of things I eat:

What works:
Pre-prepared low cal/low fat lunches (Weight Watchers, Lean Cuisines)
Sugar Free Jell-o and Pudding cups (kills the sweet tooth with minimal calories)
Lots of fruit and veggies (my faves - corn, green beans, carrots, apples and grapes that I keep in the fridge...yum!)
Lean meats - this cost more, but it is worth it if you look up the difference in calories and fat grams
String Cheese (good source of calicum and protien)
Items with high dietary fiber (these items are prone to fill you up better)
Water....lots and lots of water!

What doesn't work:
Meals with creamed soups in them
Lots of cheese (boo)
Cookies and baked treats - this is hard for me since I love to bake
Chips (two fold - you eat a ton and don't feel full and they are HIGH in fat/calories
Soda (empty calories)

Here is my typical daily diet:
Breakfast (every morning): Bowl of cereal. I measure out the cereal and milk to count the calories.
Mid Morning snack: Apple, grapes or oranges. If I have grapes I measure those as well (1 cup = 65 calories)
Lunch: Lean Cuisine or Weight Watcher's lunch
Afternoon snack (not always): Sugar-free Jell-o snack
Dinner: Whatever I make for Ben and G...just use major portion control. The beauty of this is I eat tons of veggies at dinner and cut back on the meat, pasta and potatoes. I never walk away feeling hungry.
Evening snack (maybe): 1/2 cup of sherbet, 1 weight watchers ice cream bar, fruit, etc.

Another trick before you eat out or go to other's homes to eat...eat an apple or drink a bottle of water before you go. You are less likely to overeat!

My exercise is another thing asked about. I have recently upped my routine, so it is fairly new to me.

I work out 4-5 days each week for an hour each time. This means my heart rate is up for an hour and I typically burn about 700-750 calories during that time. So in one week I am burning approximately 2800 calories with exercise. I spend 30 minutes on the treadmill at a 13 incline. I am not running but doing about a 16 minute mile, so it is a quick pace. During those 30 minutes I burn close to 400 calories so I figure running is stress on my knees that I don't need (I have a history of bad knees). I then move to the elliptical for 3o minutes where I do a cross training routine. This includes backward and forward motion. THAT uses muscles I never even knew I had!!! By the time that is done I am pretty beat, but sometimes I'll do 10-15 minutes on the bike. I personally HATE the bike. It hurts my rear end and is just in general no fun. BUT, it is brutal on the booty and legs, so it is worth it.

I am also doing strength training workouts at home. I do lunges, along with working out my biceps, triceps, shoulders and chest with my 8 lb weight. I also do abdominal excercises. I DO NOT DO CRUNCHES. I don't like them and they don't like me. I do a couple of work outs for abs that I learned from a video that strengthen the core more than the up and down motion of a crunch. Ugh...I hate those things.

Bottom line, I do what feels good and what I enjoy. I figure if I love to work out, I do it more often and look forward to it instead of dreading it. All in all, I "burn" or eliminate about 6,650 calories each week. This works out to about a pound and a half each week of weight loss. I lost more a the beginning and I am sure my body will go through resistance stages, but so far I am loving feeling stronger, a little leaner, and my size 10 jeans ;)

Amber

Quick Update

2009-02-04T11:55:00.000-08:00

Hey guys! I don't have much time before my laptop dies and I don't have a place to plug in. So...here goes.

I last weighed on 1/31/2009. I decided to weigh on Saturday's instead of Wednesday evenings. Weighing in the morning before anything as opposed to weighing in the evening after all your meals just makes good sense.

Last weigh in: total of 9 lbs weight loss.

I was really hoping to be down 10 by the end of January...so I missed that goal by a little. BUT, I am still pretty darn proud of 9 lbs in less than a month. I also did my measurements. I have lost a total of 8 inches all over with the most significant change in my thighs! Now if I could just get the waist to shrink a little faster.

Workouts are going great. I have really pushed myself the past couple of visits to the gym and I LOVE it! The last time I did 30 minutes on the treadmill at an incline of 13. I have to say, I was sweating SO bad! I am typically what I call a "dainty" sweater. I break a sweat across the brow and on my back, but I was sweaty EVERYWHERE! LOL. I am going back tonight and can't wait to try it again.

My heart rate is doing much better too. I am also seeing a vast improvement on my lung strength. I am not left gasping for breathe nearly as often.

So, new goals? I guess I have a goal for February. I'd like to lose another 8 lbs. I know this is a lofty goal especially sinec I know it will get harder and harder to lose as I go along. I am continuing my diet and I have done pretty well sticking to it. I am also upping my workouts. I am working out currently 4 times a week (with strength training in between at home), but I am going to try and make it 5 days a week. This will be a stretch, but I'm pretty determined.

I'll keep ya posted on how it's going.

Where Does My Strength Come From?

2009-01-22T06:45:00.000-08:00

My Strength comes from the Lord...

It is absolutely amazing how God works to reveal himself to me in the most bizarre ways. I can be mid-workout, all sweaty and out of breath and He comes to me. This happened on Saturday. I was keeping my previous goal of upping my resistance on the elliptical machine and it was KILLING ME! I was about halfway through my workout and I thought I might fall right off and have a heart attack on the floor of 24 hour fitness. All I could think of was "I am going to die in a 24 hour fitness...will anyone even notice or will they be so into their Ipods that they won't stop?" And then suddenly Psalm 121 came to me:

I lift up my eyes to the hills- Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip -He who watches over you will not slumber;
Indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you
The LORD is your shade at your right hand;
The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm -He will watch over your life;
The LORD will watch over your coming and going
Both now and forevermore

This gave me such strength for I knew that even the smallest things...if it is important to me...is important to Him! He steadies my foot and he gives me strength every day, why would He not be there in the gym...sweat and all???

The sermon I heard on Sunday reiterated this for me. The pastor spoke of yet another favorite scripture of mine from Isaiah 6:1

I saw the Lord sitting on a throne, high and lifted up, and the train of His robe filled the temple.

The pastor spoke of this meant that God's robe so filled the temple that there was no room for anything else. That he was not just IN the room....he FILLED the room! How amazing to think that God's presence is not just a small guy sitting in the corner, but that he is all encompassing! I truly gather my strength from God and take respite in the fact that He is with me...every where. Especially at the gym.

So how is my progress?

Weigh In 1/21/2009: -3 lbs!!!

I have really made some progress in my goals. I have continued to go to the gym 4 days a week and increase my resistance while working out. I have also continued doing strength training at home. I can just feel my muscles working that have been in hibernation for a long time.

I have to be honest, I haven't been as intentional about walking during the day. In my defense I have had some pretty busy days that have meant I haven't been at my desk much, but I still want to work on this. Taking the break to walk is good for my physically as well as my mental status at work!

The other confession I must make is that I am struggling with my caloric intake. I have set the goal to take in no more and no less than 1500 calories. I have struggled to actually hit 1500. Most days I sit right at about 1200-1300. It is difficult for me not to want to continue to cut back and back, so this is an area I have to continue to be aware of.

Thanks for checking in and indulging my over-analytic brain!

PROGRESS!!!

2009-01-15T12:52:00.001-08:00

Not much, but every little bit counts.

First and foremost, my first official weigh in (I weighed in on 1/7/2009, but that was my 'baseline')

1/14/2009: -3 lbs

Holy cow, 3 lbs in a week. I was actually pleasantly surprised. I have been working out and dieting, but when I was really working out a year ago, the scales never seemed to budge. Of course I was nursing then and G was only a few months old, but yesterday I was genuinely surprised with what the scales told me.

So how's it going??? Not too bad. I am really enjoying my work outs. I have so much energy just from the last week and a half. It is awesome how much of a difference being active makes. I am also increasing my stamina in my strength training and cardio workouts. I moved up from a 5 lb weight for my upper body strength training to an 8 lb weight. THAT felt awesome! My heart rate on my cardio workouts is much better too. I was maxing out at 167-170 in the height of my workout, and now I am not even breaking 160!

The diet I do not enjoy. I am doing it, but it definitely is not something I prefer to do. I think I'm finally over my break up with Coca Cola...it was a rough one (one that gave me a headache for 4 days straight), but I made it. To be honest I don't really miss caffiene much, except when I am out with friends and they all get coffee. Is it ok to be a social drinker ;) I will most likely reintroduce caffiene in small amounts in another month or so, but I really want to give my body a good cleansing.

While the diet isn't fun, it has made me feel better. I don't get that heavy feeling in my gut after a meal because I use major portion control. Sunday I even skipped the rice from my mom's delicious Chicken n' Rice meal. I am also discovering what a difference having a diet with tons of fruit and veggies in it can do. I also discovered (I'm a bit behind the times) VitaminWater. I love that stuff. It does have 125 calories per 20 ounces, so I only get one each day, but it is great! My favorite is the XXX (acai, blueberry, pomegranete). It is yummy and chock full of antioxidants. I am not good at taking my vitamins, so hopefully this helps a little.

So here are my goals for the next week (or two):

1. Continue dieting, consuming 1500 calories/day (no more AND no less)
2. Continue working out at the gym 4 days a week but increase the resistance and incline on my cardio workouts. I want to keep my heart rate right at 160 for the maximum cardio workout.
3. Move up a level in my strength training. Currently I am using the beginners video, but as I have moved to heavier weights I feel I am ready to get more of a challenge.
4. Walk more during the day. I have many days that are busy, busy and I am out and about all day. Then there are other days I am at my desk and mostly sedentary all day long. On those days I want to get up at least twice (15 minute breaks) and walk the building or outside if the weather permits.

Ok...I'll report back on how it is going. Good luck, everyone!!!

BandWagon

2009-01-07T12:34:00.000-08:00

Ok...I'm back.

I let myself fall REALLY far off the band wagon, and now I am paying for it.

I am back to the gym 4 days a week at this point. I joined a new gym that is only a mile from my home instead of nearly 15 miles. I like it so far, but have only really used the cardio machines. It is also super crowded all the time since it's right after the new year. Hopefully the crowds will thin as people forget their New Year's Resolution (but not me...haha). I am also doing strength training at home with a video Monday through Friday. Through our cable provider they have Exercise TV on demand. I can watch my choice of 40-50 videos! It is awesome. I went and got an exercise mat and some weights to get started on this.

I am also back on the diet. I am not counting calories because of my own personal obsession with it, but I am cutting way back. Here is a typical day of food:

Breakfast - Cereal w/ 1% milk
AM snack - Piece of fruit
Lunch - Lean Cuisine meal
Dinner - meal w/ family using portion control
PM snack - 1/2 cup of slow-churned reduced fat ice cream, piece of fruit, etc.

If I get hungry in the afternoon I will throw in a 90 calorie rice cake pack. They are good and just enough to get you through.

I have also given up all soda and caffienated beverages (bye, bye coffee...boo hoo). This is in an effort to detox my body. I will most likely reintroduce caffiene when I feel I can handle it, but for now it is water only!

So yes, I am paying for it. My legs are like Jell-O. I have done some great strength training and cardio workouts, but boy-howdy do I feel it. I am using muscles that haven't been used in a while and my body is screaming in protest. Walking is interesting right now.

My body is also adjusting to the change in my diet big time. I am reducing sugar, fat and caffiene and I can tell. My head throbs almost constantly and I constantly have visions of candy bars and Coke dance in my head. The fact that my husband can eat anything in sight and not gain an ounce only proves to torture me more.

I have a long road ahead of me, but I am surprisingly excited about it. I am hoping with a change in lifestyle I will feel better all around. I am excited for this summer. Gracelynn gets more and more active by the day, and I want to be a mom that can keep up with her. I'll keep ya posted!

New Lease on Life

2008-10-10T07:56:00.000-07:00

"Whew" doesn't even begin to capture how I feel this morning waking up and realizing that I have accomplished something that, let's be honest, I wasn't sure would actually happen. I am a graduate...again. This time with my Master of Arts in Counseling from MidAmerica Nazarene University. Not only do I have my degree, but I am eligible for licensure immediately because I also have practical experience in the form of 500 face-to-face hours of client interaction and 500 professional hours! I really am proud of myself and so incredibly thankful to all of those people that helped me through it, either physically (babysitting, quizzing me, etc), emotionally (listening to me cry and complain) or spiritually (all those prayer warriors). I could NOT have done it without each and every one of you helping me through.

BUT, this is a weightloss, accountablity log...so let's put this in that context. I feel as if I have a new lease on life. It is still going to have to be a personal decision to eat well and take the time to exercise, but the fact that I have the TIME to do just that is an amazing concept for me.

So in more ways than one I feel as if my life is starting fresh and new...and hopefully this translates to being healthier too!

Struggles

2008-08-06T09:38:00.000-07:00

Hello all. It's been a rough few weeks, and I haven't blogged about it in an effort to avoid and deny. To my dismay, that doesn't work.

I have been struggling with accepting myself...and liking what I see. Don't get me wrong, I definitely do want to lose weight and be healthier...but I also want to love the body that God gave me. I want to accept and find joy in the curves of my body, the color and curliness of my hair, and the physical abilities (even the limitations) that make up who I am. Lately, I have really struggled with doing this. As I said before, instead of addressing this, I have attempted to deny that I was feeling this way and avoid the topic all together. However, I finally faced this head one this week. After much processing, here is what I found to be my "down falls"

1. Comparing myself to others. I have several friends that after having children, either through their own hard work, breastfeeding, or the grace of God (or a combination of all three) have lost all of their baby weight and then some. They look fabulous and I can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy as I look down at my still present "bump" and the beautiful love handles I acquired through pregnancy. I begin to feel so depressed asking myself "why after a year am I still struggling with losing this weight?" I also beat myself up for eating certain things or when I skip exercising.

2. Comparing myself to myself. I get myself in trouble when I begin to look back through pictures of 2-3 years ago. I not only look thinner...but I look healthier. I feel like now I am so tired and worn down all of the time that my face even looks more tired and unhealthy. I think this is the most dangerous comparison of all.

3. Making excuses. I have used every excuse in the book of why I am not eating healthy and even more why I am not exercising. Everything from "I'm too busy" to "I am just eating what Ben/Gracelynn eats" has popped into my mind. True...I have been busy. True...it is hard to eat healthy when your hubby can pack away a whole pack of cookies and never gain an ounce. True...my daughter eats things like pasta and cheese. However, I don't feel like this should get me off the hook.

4. Not taking time out for myself. This is the biggest problem I have. I haven't had time to get
my hair cut or colored in forever. I haven't gotten a pedicure/manicure in over a year. I haven't bought any new clothing in months. I am even out of a lot of my makeup. I tried explaining this to my husband last night, but he didn't quite get it (he just lovingly reassured me that I am beautiful...thank you honey). As superficial as it may sound, I need those tiny boosts to make me feel pretty, desirable, and together. Even if it is something little like getting my eyebrows waxed, it makes me feel more feminine.

So here is my game plan.

1 and 2. I can't guarantee that I won't compare myself. However, I can let someone know when I start to "go there". I have several friends that can help keep this in check for me.

3. Stop making excuses. I am getting back to the gym and working to make better food choices. My biggest thing is portion control. I don't need a HUGE heaping pile of mashed potatoes (even though I want them). I have started using the tips found at http://weightloss.about.com/cs/moretips/a/aa062700a.htm. Here they are outlined below.

1. Meet yourself half-way.You can cut the calories of your favorite foods by 50% without changing anything about them -- just eat half. For example, if you usually eat a deli sandwich at lunch, eat half it, but replace your chips with carrot sticks. Still hungry? Before you reach for the rest of your sandwich, munch on a piece of fruit. Produce takes longer to eat and digest than other foods, which means you'll have more time to notice you're getting full. Plus, the added fiber in both the carrots and fruit will help you feel more satisfied, for much longer, than chips would have.

When you are dining at a restaurant, ask the waiter for a take-out container as soon as he gets your order. Put half of your meal in the box as soon as it arrives. Try to eat slowly and enjoy the conversation and the restaurant's ambiance. Remember, it takes about 20 minutes to start to feel full, so eating at a slower pace will prevent you from overeating. You can always take some of the food back out of the carton at the restaurant if you're still truly hungry, but chances are you won't want to.

2. Downsize your dinner.If heating up leftovers the next day isn't your cup of tea, find out if your eatery offers lunch-sized portions of their dishes. These are almost always significantly smaller than full-sized dinner entrees, so don't be afraid to ask if you can purchase the lunch entree at dinner time.

If that's not an option, ask to order from the children's menu ... practicing this portion control pointer will save your waistline some inches and your wallet some bucks.
Resist the "upsize" offer.As we all know, fast food portions are already oversized, so there's no need to add insult to injury by upgrading your meal. No matter how much of a "better deal" it may seem, don't be tempted. In fact, steering clear of "meal deals" altogether is very wise. You're much better off ordering a grilled chicken sandwich, or even a regular hamburger (hold the mayo on both), along with a side salad, than ordering a combo that comes with a silo-sized soda, too.

Kids meals are a good alternative at fast food restaurants; they contain what were considered normal-sized portions for us grown-ups a few decades ago.

3. Good portions come in small packages.If you find your will power is overpowered by a full bag of potato chips sitting in the pantry, don't buy the large bags. Get the individual lunch-sized bags one at a time. (Just don't buy the 12-bag assortment box of chips if you think you'll be tempted to finish off the entire box in a sitting. Mini bags of chips are three for $1 at my grocer, so that is exactly what I limit myself to.)

If you're budget-minded, go ahead and buy the full-size bag and divvy out the chips into single serving zipper bags as soon as you get them home; you'll still be much more likely to keep yourself in check than if you were eating from the bag.

4. Size up servings.Just how many of those chips are in a serving? Check the nutrition label to find out -- you may be surprised at how small an actual serving looks compared to what you usually eat. Learn what a serving is of your favorite snacks; start by measuring them out the next few times you eat them. Once you get into the habit of seeing how much a serving really looks like, you'll eventually be able to "eyeball" servings and know how much is too much.

5. Be gone, buffets! My family is the gotta-love-a-bargain sort and going to a buffet used to be a weekly habit. (What could be better than all the food you want at one flat price?) I used to think I could tag along and still keep myself in check by sheer determination. The reality? I have to avoid buffets like the plague. Frankly, it is nearly impossible to practice portion control in an "all-you-can-eat" situation. If you've ever left a buffet feeling sick, just think about how you felt the next time you're tempted to gorge... that's what I do when I feel guilty about not going along.

6. Compare to control.A really nifty way of learning to control portions is to mentally compare them with common, every day objects that you are used to seeing. Some of the reminders I use are that three ounces of meat is the size of a deck of cards or an audio tape; one ounce of meat is the size of a matchbook; and one cup of potatoes, rice or pasta looks like a tennis ball.

Using these tips really help me keep my portion control in check...so I can eat what Ben and Gracelynn are enjoying...just not a plate full (and seconds).

4. I WILL do stuff for myself. I don't have to spend a ton of money, but I HAVE to take the time and put in the effort to keep myself feeling good. If I don't I feel less attractive and focus on the "less than wonderful" parts of myself.

Ok...there you have it. I am trying. We'll see how it goes.

Still Truckin'

2008-06-27T09:42:00.000-07:00

I'm here, I'm here. I just haven't posted in a long time.

Despite my absence from blogger I have still been trying to keep up with a healthier lifestyle. It hasn't been easy. I am in the final 5 weeks of my internship. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday evenings I have either class, clients or supervision. This is BRUTAL on any kind of diet/healthy lifestyle. I have tried several different ways of handling this...some good, some not so great.

1. Not eat. Bad, bad, bad, bad! I guess in an effort to not eat something completely horrible, I went the opposite direction and just wouldn't get anything at all. I would typically crash...and often turn to whatever was closest (not always a good thing either)

2. Eat whatever is most convenient. Once again, not a great idea. Around the school and clinic area are a wide variety of fast food joints. Have your pick: McDonalds, Wendy's, Taco Bell, Burger King, Quiznos, LJS...and the list goes on. Stopping and grabbing something would often completely sink my eating habits for the day, and many times leave me feeling icky and bad about myself.

3. Find something (anything) on the aforementioned joints menus that might be acceptable. I have actually been pleasently surprised. Wendy's and McDonalds have awesome chicken ceasar salads...only 350 calories total (WITH the salad dressing). I leave off the parm cheese and crutons. But with the chicken it is a great meal and leaves me satisfied and feeling good. Quiznos is another option that isn't all together bad. If I choose a low cal sandwich on wheat it isn't too bad. An oven roasted turkey with cheddar sandwich (small) is only 240 calories. The regular (medium) size is only 420. Combine either of these two meals with a bottled water, and I am good to go.

As far as other choices I am still working hard to make the right ones. And that doesn't always mean denying myself. For instance...all week I had been craving a Wendy's frosty. I mean REALLY craving. It doesn't help that there is a Wendy's RIGHT by my office. To make matters worse, I wanted a Frosty Twister (w/ choc chip cookie dough) (480 calories, fyi). So all week I resisted. Then last night during our break from class, several of the other ladies were going to get ice cream. I had to make a choice. I chose to get a frosty. Not the twister but the medium chocolate frosty. It was amazing and totally worth the "splurge".

The exercise is coming along too. I have spent increasingly less and less time in the gym and more and more time outdoors with Gracelynn. It isn't as concentrated a work out...but I am still active. I have also been doing a routine at home every evening and working on my arms every morning. Once again...probably not as long or as intense as what I was getting in the gym, but I just don't have time for that at this moment. I would rather get some exercise hanging out with my daughter than sweating it out in the gym on the treadmill.

So there you have it. Any progress??? I haven't a clue what I actually weigh right now. I used to weigh at the gym and I haven't been in in several weeks. I haven't dropped a total size yet, but my current size fits me looser and much better. All in all, I feel pretty good. There are still times that I look down at my tummy and cringe, but overall I am pretty happy with my body.

Bottom line for me: Ben loves me and Gracelynn doesn't care what my tummy looks like. And that is alright with me :)

Life Lessons from Stress-eating

2008-05-31T08:09:00.000-07:00

Anyone else noticed how much stress can impact your diet routine. It is as if your whole "plan" goes right out the window when your stress level spikes. The past few days I have been pretty stressed out with work, school and personal stuff. In general I have just felt as if I have been running from one place to another...and not really getting anything done. UGH! I hate days (or weeks) like this!

So there I am in the midst of the most stressful days and it hits me like a mac truck (mmm...Big Mac???) that I want junk food. Why? What in the world will junk food do for me? Make me feel momentarily better...only to leave me void and empty in the long run? I was craving everything in the book...pizza, ice cream, chips, chocolate, anything fried. If it was "bad" for me...then I wanted it.

What do you do when you need a way to cope? Turn to the right thing or the wrong thing? I have consistently faced this question in my life...and not just with food. When things are tense between my husband and I, I often turn to my girlfriends to vent rather than talk it out with him. When things are stressful and busy at work, it isn't uncommon for me to avoid the source of conflict or work overtime, killing myself to get it done when I should really go to my supervisor and request respite of some kind. Or even worse, when I begin to feel my spiritual life slip how often do I turn to God seeking His wisdom? Rarely. Instead I turn to things of the world. Just like junk food, these "wrong" alternatives often leave me feeling void and empty...and no closer to a resolution.

Don't get me wrong, eventually I find my way to the right choice, but only after I have circled the block a few times. What an incredible waste of time, especially when I know just what (or Who) I should be going to. I want my mindset to be that when faced with these sort of problems or stressors that the first thing that pops into my head is the "right choice", whatever that may be.

So how does this apply to my diet? I realize more and more that "dieting" and being healthy is just as much a state of mind as it is a lifestyle. If I work so hard to exercise everyday and I watch what I eat most days, but my focus and way of life doesn't change, what good is it? Do I really want to be on a diet for the rest of my life??? Not even remotely. So the task at hand is not to make it just a practice, but rather who I am.

Does this mean I will never be tempted by the delicious looking billboards with pictures of cheeseburgers and fries? Or that when I am stressed I won't crave a big bowl of ice cream or a Little Debbie Swiss Cake Roll? No...not even. But I hope that when I am faced with the decision, my next thought will be a healthy one.

In the beginning....

2008-05-29T07:35:00.001-07:00

God created the heavens and the earth. He saw it and said it was good. Then He created the never-ending diet. Just kidding.

I feel as if I have been on a roller-coaster for about half of my life. A roller coaster that has taken me to heights (my heaviest) I have never seen before...and also some really big lows. I hesitated starting a weight-loss blog. For those of you that know me you probably know that I have a few obsessive-compulsive tendencies. I love having a sense of control (I know, I know...I am learning to let go) over things in my life. I have slowly but surely been learning to relinquish some of that control with God's help, but it is still a battle. One area that I have attempted to control...almost to unhealthy measures...is my weight.

When I was a junior and senior in high school I became very obsessed with my weight. What adolescent girl isn't? But I crossed over into the unhealthy "area" when I began skipping meals, pushing myself to exercise excessively, and counting calories to ensure I was "under" how many I had allotted myself. I was not taking enough calories to even compensate for the amount I burned in everyday life plus exercise. I remember for my Junior prom I wore a dress that was an XS. I thought I looked fabulous...until I saw pictures. My face was drawn, my skin was somewhat ashy and I didn't look happy. What I thought I was achieving - beauty - was actually the furthest from the truth.

It took some time to get my weight and mindset back to "normal". Since then there have been several times when I have started to slip down that slope again. The end of my freshman year of college, before my wedding, after my wedding, and even now after having my first child. Every time I had a great reason to lose weight (losing that freshman 15, looking great for my wedding, looking great after my wedding, losing baby weight). All of these reasons are valid, but I could feel myself going back to that place in my mind where I obsessed over everything I put in my mouth, counted EVERY calorie I consumed and burned, and started to deny myself any kind of "treat". Losing weight/exercise was what I thought about before I went to bed...and it was what I thought about when I woke up. I don't know about you...but I have WAY more important things to think about.

So in an effort to NOT go overboard, I would often over compensate and stay away from the gym, eat whatever I liked, and avoid the scales. This proved to be even worse and would often eat (no pun intended) at my self-esteem. So where is the balance? How do I stay healthy and fit without it taking over?

I don't really have an answer except that I have to be concious of it daily. I have to work hard to keep my mind in a healthy place. Through prayer and the help of my husband I am doing it so far. I guess for that reason, this blog will be more accountablity for me than actually documenting my weight loss. I AM trying to lose weight and I AM trying to get healthy. But the right way!

So here is what I am doing right now.

I have really been focusing on getting into a regular exercise routine. I go to the gym Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings before work. It is actually pretty nice to do that because then I get ready there and have a little "me" time (sit in the Sauna...get ready without a husband or baby beckoning). While at the gym I *typically* do about 20-30 minutes on the elliptical, 15-20 minutes on the bike, and then spend the last 10 minutes on the weight machines (usually working on arms). Sometimes I change it up and I have started covering the face of the machine that tells me how many calories I have burned. I try not to count...but I admit I peek from time to time.

Now that it is nice outside I have been taking walks with Gracelynn in the evenings. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday evenings I try to go on a 1.5-2 mile walk. She loves it and eventually falls asleep in the stroller. These are not leisurely walks...I usually walk the two miles in about 30 minutes. I also do my abs and arms at home. I have a resistance band that I work on my arms with and then do crunches at home in the evenings before bed and in the mornings before work. I don't know how much good the crunches are doing since I have more loose skin than anything, but it is worth a try.

As far as eating I am just trying to make good choices. I eat smaller portions, stop when I am full, cut out soda (or drink a Coke Zero) and have gone down to one travel mug of coffee each day. I snack when I am hungry but I keep healthy snacks at my desk. When I am in the need of something crunchy and salty I reach for a cheddar rice cake instead of chips. If I am in need of something sweet and cold I reach for a frozen yogurt bar instead of chocolate chip cookie dough. I find that these things curb those cravings without all the extra fat, calories and sugar. Oh and drink water, water, water. So how am I doing so far...I've lost some weight, but as I said I try to avoid scales if possible. I have cut down to weighing myself one time each week at the gym. Mondays are weighing days...and that is it.

So here is my background...and here is where I am now.