Struggles

Hello all. It's been a rough few weeks, and I haven't blogged about it in an effort to avoid and deny. To my dismay, that doesn't work.

I have been struggling with accepting myself...and liking what I see. Don't get me wrong, I definitely do want to lose weight and be healthier...but I also want to love the body that God gave me. I want to accept and find joy in the curves of my body, the color and curliness of my hair, and the physical abilities (even the limitations) that make up who I am. Lately, I have really struggled with doing this. As I said before, instead of addressing this, I have attempted to deny that I was feeling this way and avoid the topic all together. However, I finally faced this head one this week. After much processing, here is what I found to be my "down falls"

1. Comparing myself to others. I have several friends that after having children, either through their own hard work, breastfeeding, or the grace of God (or a combination of all three) have lost all of their baby weight and then some. They look fabulous and I can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy as I look down at my still present "bump" and the beautiful love handles I acquired through pregnancy. I begin to feel so depressed asking myself "why after a year am I still struggling with losing this weight?" I also beat myself up for eating certain things or when I skip exercising.

2. Comparing myself to myself. I get myself in trouble when I begin to look back through pictures of 2-3 years ago. I not only look thinner...but I look healthier. I feel like now I am so tired and worn down all of the time that my face even looks more tired and unhealthy. I think this is the most dangerous comparison of all.

3. Making excuses. I have used every excuse in the book of why I am not eating healthy and even more why I am not exercising. Everything from "I'm too busy" to "I am just eating what Ben/Gracelynn eats" has popped into my mind. True...I have been busy. True...it is hard to eat healthy when your hubby can pack away a whole pack of cookies and never gain an ounce. True...my daughter eats things like pasta and cheese. However, I don't feel like this should get me off the hook.

4. Not taking time out for myself. This is the biggest problem I have. I haven't had time to get
my hair cut or colored in forever. I haven't gotten a pedicure/manicure in over a year. I haven't bought any new clothing in months. I am even out of a lot of my makeup. I tried explaining this to my husband last night, but he didn't quite get it (he just lovingly reassured me that I am beautiful...thank you honey). As superficial as it may sound, I need those tiny boosts to make me feel pretty, desirable, and together. Even if it is something little like getting my eyebrows waxed, it makes me feel more feminine.

So here is my game plan.

1 and 2. I can't guarantee that I won't compare myself. However, I can let someone know when I start to "go there". I have several friends that can help keep this in check for me.

3. Stop making excuses. I am getting back to the gym and working to make better food choices. My biggest thing is portion control. I don't need a HUGE heaping pile of mashed potatoes (even though I want them). I have started using the tips found at http://weightloss.about.com/cs/moretips/a/aa062700a.htm. Here they are outlined below.


1. Meet yourself half-way.You can cut the calories of your favorite foods by 50% without changing anything about them -- just eat half. For example, if you usually eat a deli sandwich at lunch, eat half it, but replace your chips with carrot sticks. Still hungry? Before you reach for the rest of your sandwich, munch on a piece of fruit. Produce takes longer to eat and digest than other foods, which means you'll have more time to notice you're getting full. Plus, the added fiber in both the carrots and fruit will help you feel more satisfied, for much longer, than chips would have.

When you are dining at a restaurant, ask the waiter for a take-out container as soon as he gets your order. Put half of your meal in the box as soon as it arrives. Try to eat slowly and enjoy the conversation and the restaurant's ambiance. Remember, it takes about 20 minutes to start to feel full, so eating at a slower pace will prevent you from overeating. You can always take some of the food back out of the carton at the restaurant if you're still truly hungry, but chances are you won't want to.

2. Downsize your dinner.If heating up leftovers the next day isn't your cup of tea, find out if your eatery offers lunch-sized portions of their dishes. These are almost always significantly smaller than full-sized dinner entrees, so don't be afraid to ask if you can purchase the lunch entree at dinner time.

If that's not an option, ask to order from the children's menu ... practicing this portion control pointer will save your waistline some inches and your wallet some bucks.
Resist the "upsize" offer.As we all know, fast food portions are already oversized, so there's no need to add insult to injury by upgrading your meal. No matter how much of a "better deal" it may seem, don't be tempted. In fact, steering clear of "meal deals" altogether is very wise. You're much better off ordering a grilled chicken sandwich, or even a regular hamburger (hold the mayo on both), along with a side salad, than ordering a combo that comes with a silo-sized soda, too.

Kids meals are a good alternative at fast food restaurants; they contain what were considered normal-sized portions for us grown-ups a few decades ago.

3. Good portions come in small packages.If you find your will power is overpowered by a full bag of potato chips sitting in the pantry, don't buy the large bags. Get the individual lunch-sized bags one at a time. (Just don't buy the 12-bag assortment box of chips if you think you'll be tempted to finish off the entire box in a sitting. Mini bags of chips are three for $1 at my grocer, so that is exactly what I limit myself to.)

If you're budget-minded, go ahead and buy the full-size bag and divvy out the chips into single serving zipper bags as soon as you get them home; you'll still be much more likely to keep yourself in check than if you were eating from the bag.

4. Size up servings.Just how many of those chips are in a serving? Check the nutrition label to find out -- you may be surprised at how small an actual serving looks compared to what you usually eat. Learn what a serving is of your favorite snacks; start by measuring them out the next few times you eat them. Once you get into the habit of seeing how much a serving really looks like, you'll eventually be able to "eyeball" servings and know how much is too much.

5. Be gone, buffets! My family is the gotta-love-a-bargain sort and going to a buffet used to be a weekly habit. (What could be better than all the food you want at one flat price?) I used to think I could tag along and still keep myself in check by sheer determination. The reality? I have to avoid buffets like the plague. Frankly, it is nearly impossible to practice portion control in an "all-you-can-eat" situation. If you've ever left a buffet feeling sick, just think about how you felt the next time you're tempted to gorge... that's what I do when I feel guilty about not going along.

6. Compare to control.A really nifty way of learning to control portions is to mentally compare them with common, every day objects that you are used to seeing. Some of the reminders I use are that three ounces of meat is the size of a deck of cards or an audio tape; one ounce of meat is the size of a matchbook; and one cup of potatoes, rice or pasta looks like a tennis ball.

Using these tips really help me keep my portion control in check...so I can eat what Ben and Gracelynn are enjoying...just not a plate full (and seconds).

4. I WILL do stuff for myself. I don't have to spend a ton of money, but I HAVE to take the time and put in the effort to keep myself feeling good. If I don't I feel less attractive and focus on the "less than wonderful" parts of myself.

Ok...there you have it. I am trying. We'll see how it goes.